Sulli Forever

I have waited few days and the end of the funeral before writing this,
I hate this feeling that all those news sites are getting more and more click on news about Sulli’s death after helping all this time the spreading of rumors and critics, giving voice to all those idiot Korean Netizens.

But I really want to remember Sulli with some words.

It was 2011 when I started to listen to Kpop. f(x) released Pinocchio on that year and they immediately became my favourite Group together with 4Minute and 2NE1.
Despite Kristal’s beauty, Amber’s coolness, Victoria’s womanly appeal and Luna’s cuteness, it was Sulli, just 17y.o. at that time, who caught my eyes becoming my first and only bias.
It’s difficult to explain with words, but Sulli was simply “more”.
Her smile could easily unfreeze a frozen heart, also her eyes were smiling brightly.
It’s incredible how those crazily happy eyes turned so sad and swollen by too much crying in just few years.

When Sulli left f(x) it was definitely a sad day, but I was sure in my heart that one day they would have had a comeback. I lived the following years with that hope, while all my other favourite groups were disbanding one by one.
I can’t believe that f(x) had their reunion only for Sulli’s funeral.

I was aware of all the bad stuff around Sulli, but I would have never thought they could lead to this.

The news of Sulli’s death spread also in Italy, present in every newscast and newspaper.
I was surprised cause Kpop isn’t followed at all by national press. I wasn’t surprised at all by the way they dealt with it. Basically, no one was able to give a proper image of Sulli.
For someone she was just a “rebel” or “troublemaker”, other just focused on cyberbullying.

But also now, as always, she is “more”.

I am sure that many have thought that Sulli wasn’t strong enough to deal with the pressure and the criticism and that’s why she fell into depression.
But this is totally wrong.
Sulli wasn’t weak, she was probably the strongest of them all.
She never adjusted herself to what agencies or society wanted. She wanted to be free to do, say and think whatever she wanted as it must be.
She went against the unwritten regulations that rule Kpop, that require everyone to be perfect in every moment, to somehow erase ur trueself to be liked, to renounce to part of your life cuz many things would have lead to criticism.

But she wanted to love, to be free, to say her opinion also about burning issue.
That’s what made everything worse for her and simply increased the bad stuff around her. And only later it became too much even for her, but till the very end she never renounced to be herself. She never gave in to what everyone wanted her to be. She never stepped back.
She preferred to leave this world than give in.

I remember one video watched on youtube where one guy from the audiance was telling Sulli to be fat. She was too kind and polite to just answer “have u ever looked at urself in the mirror ugly frog?” as he simply deserved, but Amber butt in to defend her.
How I wish there were many other Amber around her during her worst moments to defend and protect her.
Instead she was left alone in this fight or maybe she kept receiving pressure from the enviroment as well.. I don’t know..

But watching her IG lives, seeing those eyes that lost the brightness and didn’t smile anymore.. I can’t help but thinking “How much did you suffer little angel?” “How much you had to face to reach that point?” “How much you had to endure every single day?”

I just hope that her death won’t be in vain. Too much needs to be changed around kpop world to hope that everything will suddenly turn into a fairytale.
But the risk is that when the shock will be gone, everything will just go back to usual. Till the next tragedy.

What really matters now is that Sulli isn’t with us anymore, but I wanna believe she is in a better place with a smile and bright eyes just as it was when I first saw her.

She leaves a great hole in every person who loved her, but she won’t be forgotten, that’s impossible.

An now Sulli, just laugh. Laugh and be happy. Rest your mind and soul.
This is not your loss, it’s a loss for humanity and society that allowed it to happen without doing anything or at least not enough. It’s a loss for humanity and society that have grown people living to spread hate. It’s a loss for humanity and society that put money above human lifes.